Not Getting Along With Your Manager? The Invisible Dynamics of Communication

Are you saying you can't get along with your manager? In this piece I will look at the communication dynamics behind that relationship and what you can do about them.

The Nature of the Relationship

Not getting along with a manager often comes from the nature of the relationship itself. There is a reporting line, and when work intensifies it becomes harder to keep an adult-to-adult conversation going.

The Parent-Child Dynamic

Instead, we sometimes slide into a parent-child dynamic. When a manager positions themselves as the "strict parent", the employee may unknowingly move into the "child" position. This dynamic can be explained through a concept in communication science called transactional analysis — an approach that examines which "ego state" (parent, adult, child) people communicate from.

The Question of Perception

There is also the matter of perception: what you understand from what I say, and what I understand from what you say, are usually not the same thing. That gap sits at the root of many conflicts and, when unnoticed, recreates the same tension again and again.

When Should You Get Support?

If this relationship has reached a point where it affects your working life, or even your family life, think of yourself and get individual coaching. I also invite managers into coaching so they can communicate better, because this is not a one-sided responsibility.

When the employee is content, the work goes well and the results are good. That is why clear boundaries and healthy communication are valuable for both employee and manager.

A Next Step

This topic is important and sensitive. If you are experiencing a communication problem with your manager, a good starting point is to clarify whether the root is a personality mismatch or an unspoken expectation.